The house is quiet this morning. A dog sleeps next to me on the couch as I contemplate the words I will use to write this column. The news is on, so there is some background noise, and I can faintly hear a video game playing in my son’s room.
This level of quiet is not something I am accustomed to. My husband and I have a large family, with seven children: Lexi, 25; Max, 20; Chance, 19; Rowen, 17; Charlie, 15; Mary, 11; and Callie, 4. Max, Rowen, and Charlie live with Duchenne muscular dystrophy (DMD). Although Lexi is married and lives in her own home, the rest of the kids live with us, and with so many people in the house, our life is louder.
It’s quiet this morning because a new school year has begun. Mary, Charlie, and Rowen are in school. My two college guys, Max and Chance, are in their rooms doing their own thing between classes, and Callie is at her grandmother’s house.
I often crave a quiet house, but once I get it, I quickly realize it’s not my favorite thing. My husband and I are beginning to realize, however, that we are on the cusp of a new season in life, one that will undoubtedly be quieter, and it is catching me off guard.
On the cusp of a quieter life
I know empty nesters experience something like this, but with a child as young as Callie and three sons with Ducehnne, I never imagined life would get quieter.
I accepted that Lexi, Chance, Mary, and Callie would follow a more traditional path: graduate high school, go to college, move out, marry, and have kids. Lexi followed that path; Chance is on it as well. But I planned for Max, Rowen, and Charlie to live at home with us. I hope they prove me wrong! Max lived at college for two years, and maybe his brothers will follow in his footsteps. Perhaps someday they will live together in an apartment or a house, or with a wife and children. Oh, how I hope the latter is true.
But my husband and I have planned our future so that our sons will always have a place with us as long as they want or need it. So I’ve assumed that the noise my family typically makes would continue.
But I didn’t consider that as the boys got older, they would want time away from Mom and Dad. They like to be in their rooms, watching their own shows, playing their video games.
We recently bought a new house so the boys would have their own rooms and space near their rooms for caregivers to hang out. That will move their rooms farther from the family living area and my bedroom, and give them more independence. It will allow them to live more like their peers, even if it is not completely separate from us. I know this is a good thing for them, but it feels a lot like my kids are all grown up.
Our three sons all qualify for caregiving and respite hours. We have previously struggled to use the hours because our current home is so cramped that having a caregiver here can be uncomfortable, especially if we don’t know them well. But very soon, we will have caregivers in the home who can take on some of the responsibilities that have kept Jason and me so busy over the years. The coming changes will not only make our house quiet but also our schedules quiet.
I am so thankful for the life my family has shared. I loved when all our kids were younger and we all lived at home at the same time. The chaos was perfect. Now, we will still have our two young girls to keep us busy and the house noisy enough.
I know a slower pace will be nice, and we will get used to the quiet. But I didn’t expect to be on the cusp of a quieter life so soon. When it comes to raising kids, DMD or not, the days are long, but the years go so fast!
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